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Jabari Is A Cool Name And I’m Happy He’s Here

There’s no way they all get injured, right?

So Jabari Parker comes home to my Windy City Assassins on a partially guaranteed contract. Early indications are that they’re gonna throw him in at the 3. And defense be damned, I’m gosh darn excited.

As an old friend so lovingly said: “Carter’s gonna lead the league in posters with the turnstiles you guys got on the wing.” While that assessment couldn’t be more accurate, I’m a cup half full guy. Wendell Carter has a chance to be among the league leaders in blocks. Denzel Valentine, after being very vocal about working his ass off into a starting job, has even more reason to earn it (you’re fighting against a former top 2 pick, not Justin Holiday). Chicago gets the exciting team they’ve been yearning for since prime Rose. Things are nice on paper.

Chicago’s offseason has been…strange, to say the least. The Kings tried to force our hand for some damn reason, which was super annoying. We traded Jerian Grant for something that I’ll have to research later because I forgot already; don’t quote me but I’m 68% sure it was a large plastic bag of packing peanuts with a team option. Now here we are with a Mormon from Duke that was bred in Chicago for $40M. The D Rose of forwards? Hopefully not. Those athletic Simeon Academy boys do hate leg day for some reason though.

Either way, I’m excited for this season. This wasn’t supposed to be a season of battling against the giants of the league, the goal this season was to just see how we stacked up; what is this team going to be in a few years? When you’re punting a chance at a deep playoff run for development, why not take that flyer on an exciting Chicago kid? Signing Jabari puts asses in seats for the 20-80 games he’ll suit up in the red and white. I’m encouraged by Lavine’s recent comments, bluntly addressing his shortcomings and weaknesses on the court in an effort to show self-awareness. As Jakar Sampson witnessed last season, he’s still good for a few posters a year.

In the end, our starting lineup is 5 lottery picks. Take out Zach, and the other 4 went top 7. It’s been in vogue to hate every decision GarPax makes, but they stuck true to their mission this time: put a young, fun team on the court that runs and gives Hoiberg the personnel to show what he’s really made of as a coach. So yes, I’m excited about this trade. Again, they can’t…(gulp)…ALL get injured…right?